Hi, tooling, welcome to SR
I tried for years to control my drinking and always woke up the next morning thinking I was a weak person with some sort moral failure. But I came here and listened to other people's stories and found out that it's like a rigged game. No matter how hard I try to control my drinking, no matter which methods I use, it's just not possible. Physically I react to alcohol differently than non-alcoholics. Call it an allergy or a disease or whatever, but it has nothing to do with willpower.
Stick around. There are great folks around here