i felt this way a year and a half ago when my girlfriend was using. the emotional stuff is really difficult, especially depending upon the persons personality. i didnt know up from down. never in my life did that happen. i wanted her to get better more than anything she would take very small steps in that direction, but go right back to her old ways. one night she said she had to run over to see a friend and she'd be back in an hour. it was 15hrs later. i packed up her stuff and broke it off. it was very difficult. i had tried everything. nothing worked. only once in a while did she admit there was a problem. she though because she wasn't doing hard drugs every day, that she was ok.
now a year and a half later, she has started to use hard drugs every day, and worse. we were no longer in a relationship when this happened but were friends. it sent me through a bad downward spiral, from which i am starting to recover. i was consumed with thoughts of what she was doing and how she needed to get herself clean. consumed. but just yesterday it dawned on me how much worse it would have been if i was still her boyfriend. i remembered all the manipulation, deceit, lies, half-truths. The black hole i was sucked into and all. she wasn't the same person, nor was i. i realized the drugs are just the tip of the iceberg. even if she went to treatment and rehab, there would be a long process of recovery and therapy. was that what i wanted in my life?
i'm certainly no angel or perfect, but maybe someone healthier would be better for me. my ex did not even seem like she really wanted to get healthy. when you live in a void most of you life, like she has, and like i have, it is very difficult to live any other way. it is very hard to learn a new way of living and thinking.
you realize you are worth more than you are getting, that you want more than you are getting. breaking up is hard, especially when you feel bad about the other person's problems, but eventually, if you do not have the strength, they will become your problems. if your best friend or sister was in this situation, what would you think?
no one can tell you what to do. change is hard. but the promise of something even better might provide the strength for change. you cannot change him, but you can change you.
(now if i can only live by my own words)