My dad is an alcoholic, and I thought had hit rock bottom. He lost his home, his car, his job, was kicked out of my brother's house and came to live with me. He was very depressed as well. I thought I was helping him, I was giving him a place to stay and all I asked was that he not drink in my home.
He continued to drink, and each time I forgave him. He would tell me how depressed he was and as someone who has batteled depression pretty much my whole life, I felt bad for him. The guilt would eat me alive. I was all he had left, how could I just walk away from him?
I found this place, and it was the best thing I could have done. I began to realize that my dad was not going to change because he didn't have to. I kept making it ok for him, I kept 'fixing' it for him. What I thought was help was really hurting him.
One day he got really drunk and that was it. I told him he had a choice, he either goes to rehab or leaves my home. He had 24 hours to chose. For once, I did not feel guilty. I knew that if he ended up on the streets, it was going to be because that was what he chose, not because I just kicked him out.
He tried to talk me out of it, but I held my ground. If I continued to make it ok for him, I was slowly killing him. THAT was guilt I could not live with.
He ended up going to rehab, and while it was hard for him, it ended up being the best thing for him. He was able to work at getting to the root of what drove him to drink and work on his own mental health issues. He was almost 50 when he finally got the help he needed.
I believe there is ALWAYS hope. I'm glad to hear you will be able to discuss this with a psychatrist, hopefully he can help give you some advise and guidance. That doesn't mean your son will be ready to take that advise, but when he is ready you will know where to go with it.
There is an article I really like, that made a huge impression on me in my own recovery with mental health issues, and I've posted it here a few times. Its an article written for people with BPD, but I feel is appropriate for anyone and everyone trying to make change and/or on the road to recovery:
There is hope because no one of us is ever a finished product. There is hope because no matter what you believe right now you do not have to hold to that forever if it is not working for you. Whatever we do or say that causes chaos and pain in our lives we can learn to stop choosing. Change is scary, but, if you can open yourself to the reality that change is what enables us to grow and to heal our pain than you can learn to dream. Once you learn to dream and you begin to envision something other than what you currently know or what you have always known --the way you experience your life and your relationships -- then you can also embrace the reality of hope.
Give hope a chance -- what do you have to lose?
You have everything to gain