Originally Posted by
chicory 
The only thing I really want to hear is that there is hope for him- no matter how that is achieved.
Well, there is hope for him, that much I can tell you. There's always hope. But in the meantime, you would actually be helping him more by focusing on you so that you can help him when he is ready.
If he will do better by hitting the bottom, show me how to get out of the way.
You get out of the way by making it harder for him to keep making the choices that lead him to using. If that means he cannot come to you for money, shelter, or anything else until he is clean, then so be it. Sounds harsh, but as long as he has no reason to change, why would he?
But how do we know when a person is mentally unstable enough to need someone caring for them? I hope that we get clear answers tomorrow, from the psychiatrist.
Most, if not all addicts fall into that category already. The issue is not whether or not they need someone caring for them, it's whether or not they care enough to accept the help being offered. They know what to do when they decide they want help. They choose to not seek it.
Thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry for your parents. I hope they get a miracle somehow. I would bet that if your sister gets well, that would make them happy, even tho they had lost all.
I often think, if I could make my son whole and happy, with a good life, I would gladly give my own.
I know it does not work that way, tho.
True, they would be happy if sis got well; but the thing is, she might have gotten well a lot sooner if she had not had so many cushions to land on every time she fell. And if not, at least they would be healthier right now and not be moving for the second time in two years. Either she would have changed by now or not; but them suffering clearly has not helped her, so it was useless. And thanks for the condolences and warm wishes. I love my parents, I just hate seeing others suffer as much as they have, especially when it is, again, counterproductive.
I hope that I get clear answers, so I do not have to guess about choices.
Unfortunately, without learning to put yourself at the top of your priority list, you will always have to guess about making choices. By putting yourself first, believe it or not, you would be giving him more help than you ever could if you keep going on this same path. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I hope your son is ready to take the help of the doctor. I want to see him get better. And he can. But if going to the psychiatrist does not go the way you want it to, I hope you'll take a step back and think about where you will draw the line- for both of your sakes.