When you're with an alcoholic, things other people in healthy relationships consider crazy, become normal. And I call this "adjustable normalcy."
I saw it in my sisters, who both married alcoholics. Very odd, that my sisters married alcoholics, yet my father was not one. I think, tho that he may have had a drinking problem before I was born, and I know he had a bit of a temper. He mellowed considerably by the time I came around, many yrs later.
Anyway, when I was a kid, my sister was married to a hardcore alcoholic. Me and my parents would go visit, and the guy would do the most INSANE things. I remember one night, he just pulled down his pants, and peed on the floor. Even as a kid, I knew this wasn't right!! My sister just acted like it was no big deal, and rushed to clean it up and put him to bed.
Her stepchildren lived with all of this! I can't even IMAGINE. At least I was able to walk away from it. How damaging was this??? Well, both her stepchildren have been in and out of jail, had drug problems, illegitimate children, episodes of violence...etc.
Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa 
You just described the first 12 or so years of my marriage. It did get worse in my case. But it was gradual. Almost imperceptibly so. Little by little he got less functional. And little by little, I accepted more and more unacceptable behavior. I slowly lost myself. My children grew up thinking that 6-12 beers a night was normal. The "one-time events" became regular occurrences. I took on more and more responsibility as he became less responsible. It was like sticking my fingers in the cracks of a crumbling dam. Pretty soon, you run out of fingers....
L