starting to breathe
i feel like i am starting to breathe a little better, like that the worst part is over for me. I have been re-reading posts, going through old threads and i came across some powerful stuff. one in particular asked "do you know me...you may not know me, but i know you, i'm an addict."
that flashed me back to stuff i experienced with this girl when we were living together before she hit the hard stuff. narcissistic personality disorder. as dangerous as an addict.
and i realized, wait a minute- i am lucky. yes she is a person i care about and love, but she is not my wife, girlfriend, mother of my child. i can detach.
then the otherside hits me- the girl has virtually no one she feels close too. if you detach, that leaves her lost and alone. then i remember what you all have told me, if she wants help, she will find it.
it plays out back and forth in my head.
then i am able to hold on to the thought, that i do not need to let this get to me. i do not need to voluntarily step into another person's whirlwind of trouble (the other thought returns that that is a harsh thing to think), but i need to duck from the flying debris so as to save myself. sure i can stand there and take the hit, but that doesnt help anyone