I know exactly how you feel! I think that I'm doing all the right things--meetings, praying, but when it comes to remembering the euphoria of drinking--you know, the "good" times before it got out of hand, I can't find much strength either. The thing I have to think about when that happens, is how it feels to relapse. The emotional pain outweighs any of the good feelings of being drunk and especially the good feeling of staying sober. I never in my life thought that I would get to this point where all I want to do is crawl into a hole and forget the entire world after I drink. But, it's there--it's a reality and it's something that I have to live with for the rest of my life.
But, welcome back! I'm actually glad to find people like myself that get so tempted around holiday's and such. Sometimes you feel so alone in the world when it seems like everyone EXCEPT you is drinking. But, that's not true...obviously. I too need to learn to reach out for help when temptation is way too strong. I need your help as well as everyone else on these boards! We're all in this together!
Keep posting!!!
Danielle