thank you all for your kind words & support.
i guess i do rush too much, but i feel like i've waited so long & here is where i am....nowhere. so i feel like i have to rush now. i have been going through my home thinking, i have to clean that up & throw that out & get that together if i'm selling this house. but i think i've always lived like that---knowing someday this day would come. i never made serious changes to my house because in the back of my mind i figured--why? i'll just be leaving it soon.
but i will try to slow down a bit. and thank you for pointing that out.
roxie-i have been to alanon. i get very shy to a point of panic attacks and when we have to go around the room reading & speaking, i just about fainited. i bought a bunch of the alanon books and read them all the time.