Serene:
Sounds like you're doing pretty good to me, especially the positive self-talk! Give yourself some credit for how far you have come.
I have a bunch of little square bits of paper with affirmations on them posted up all over my house - weight management ones in the kitchen, financial reminders in my office, and self-love in my bedroom. They remind me, in my own words and handwriting, what I believe, in my more self-loving moments.
I still sometimes do something to soothe myself when feeling anxious or depressed, as I believe loving parent ought to. I lie down, whisper "shhhh...shhh" over and over while running my hand over my hair. It may seem silly, but it does help, and comforts me.
One thing that I realized, after failed relationships (platonic, romantic, family), is that I can now do things for myself and say things to myself that I'd always wished someone else would...like paying myself a compliment about my eyes, for example. I also pay those kinds of compliments to others...whether they reciprocate or not doesn't affect me. I can choose to expect it or not, and if they don't, it's no skin off my nose!
I have somewhat of the same attitude with my FOO (narcissistic mother, mostly) - I can choose to be offended at their comments, or I can choose to consider the source and not let it affect how I see and think about myself. (Basically, "To He** with 'em).
Maybe seems a little cold, but it works, and keeps my from wondering "Why?"
Take care,