Fidget

I am 21. Married at 19, divorced at 20. my husband tried to have sex with my best male friend. moved to SC to get away, but all the problem still haunt me. My step dad was a child molester, and still has never paid the price for what he has done, but i do everyday that i live. i wake up screaming, smoke up or do some other drug that is handy to numb that pain that i can not escape. i am depressed, i cry a lot, i am distant. i am not the person i was 1 year ago. it has chipped away at me like a waterfall... looks nice, but is doing some damage underneath. no matter where i go, i am always haunted by it. i remember the first time i got stoned. everything seemed ok. then 3 hours later, life came at me full force. so i kept doing it. forgot about the fact that the 2 men who were supposed to be the best men in my lives were the 2 most horrid human beings i have ever encountered. i forgot about my bad choices, and life seemed easier to handle. but once the fog lifted i realized i was wrong. i could always trust myself, and come to find, i was not all too trustworthy. the one person who is all i will have for the rest of my life, i have let down... myself.