Alcoholism is a progressive thing Glyon - that's why many of us are bewildered when we used to be able to 'handle it' and find we can't anymore.
I'm sorry you fell, but many of us have had a stumble or two - learn from your mistakes, work out what you need to do better - get some more support maybe? AA or some other group, or some counselling? - then move on and start again.
Welcome back
D