I don't have a drinking problem, I have a me problem
My teen years were awful, I was alienated from the world. I became really depressed and started hurting myself, at times not caring if I lived or died. I should have gotten help but I didn't, don't really understand why. Then I started drinking in order to escape those feelings. My problem is that I was unable to responsibly cope with depression. Cutting, drinking, wallowing in self-pity, all selfish irresponsible ways to deal with it and none of them help in the end. It took me years to realize that. Now I'm getting help, therapy, AA, I need to try to fix this situation that has snowballed and gotten so bad. I drank last night, not drinking tonight though. I thought that alcohol's purpose was to make me happy and make life tolerable. Now I know alcohol's only purpose in my life is to kill me. It was tricking me into thinking otherwise. Alcohol is not my core problem, I am. My situation is all my fault and I need to fix it.