Thank you all so much
I've been doing yardwork and thinking about stuff. I realized how relieved I am now that the initial whatever it was has passed. You are all right...it IS an addiction. I've known that. I remember when things first started to go wrong, I thought how I wanted to stop but it was like I couldn't. Wow. I realized how free I feel now, for the first time in a long time.
Thank you all for your revealing comments. This is why I <3 you!