I think I know the source of the trigger.
*Seeing someone I already know I like.
*Watching behaviors and starting to develop TRUST
*Wondering if - maybe - this will turn out to be my next significant relationship
*Having intermittent communication, building a rapport and TRUST
*Feeling alternately hopeful and AFRAID
*Receive a NO REPLY, shoots me right back to all the times of the NO REPLY from xabf:
SCARED, SCARED, SCARED. "When a man does this, it means he is not trustworthy, it means he is lying to me about who he is, it means I can't trust him"
Now I know that dialogue is not logical, not true even, but I was trying to recall what the feelings that were conjured up were.
It's funny, I would never use such a term like PTSD about myself -- it would almost seem like I'm not taking seriously the very real syndrome that people who have been severely affected go through. But it's like I had this mini-attack of it the other day, it was SO flippin powerful and SO unavoidable.