finally had a day where being sober felt better than being under the influence
This may be a stupid sounding post to people who have a significant amount of sober time in already. Since working on getting sober every sober day I've had I've felt like a "dry drunk." Sober, but missing the comforting/familiar "under the influence" feeling. I've stopped drinking because I have to (health) and not because I want to.
I've been mourning the loss of the taste of beer. The reward of going to the liquor store right after work. How charming I could be when I medicated myself with the proper amount of booze during a social gathering. The "glow" I would get after a couple of drinks (confidence).
For the first time for me ever, today was better than my most euphoric drinking day. I don't know if my brain was releasing extra endorphins or what. It was Canada Day here and I hosted a bbq for a bunch of our friends. For the first time in what seems like forever, I was comfortable in my own skin and didn't crave booze. I was actually happy. I enjoyed the fireworks at the end of tonight with my g/f. The previous x10 years I'd be in bed right now totally polluted with a pillow over my head waiting for the damn fireworks to stop and wondering why all the idiot people in this world were so enamored with fireworks.
This is such an unfocused post of mine but I am still in such disbelief that I had a happy day sober. For anyone struggling with alcoholism here who drinks because they think life & people are a bore and drinking simply feels better I empathize with you because that was generally how I've felt in what seems like forever.
It apparently is possible to feel really happy while sober. This message from a guy who has drank morning, noon, and night for years and thought that way of feeling was as good as it would get in this life.