You know I don't know if you believe in God or Heaven or whatever but I really do think that the people we love and lose watch over us and right now your Mother is probably watching over you and thinking about how incredibly proud she is of you for staying sober. Drinking does not make the pain of grief go away. You could spend months trying to escape it but unless you deal with it sober, it's still going to be there and it's still going to hurt. As hard as this is to face sober, as hard as it is to feel the pain and not numb it out, it's what has to be done. You are experiencing one of the hardest things life hands to you right now and you still have your 6 months. That is amazing. That shows how much strength you have as a person and that's something you deserve to be truly proud of. I'm proud of you and I don't even know you. I am so very sorry for your loss and I'll keep you, your family and your mother in my prayers.