Originally Posted by Japic05

I once heard an Al-Anon speaker say that her "knee-jerk" reactions would probably never go away but thru the loving healing of her HP and recovery - She has now has the

A Trigger occurs ~ knee jerk THOUGHTS pop in her head then quickly RECOVERY thoughts tell her she doesn't have to respond in the same way which keep her from acting out those "reactions"

Keeping my focus on self-care, recovery and my HP - help me when my triggers set off those Knee jerk thoughts/reactions and then I have the ability to make the choice to do something different because I WANT something different.

HUGS,
Rita

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

I'm in agreement on all of this.

I haven't a 'click' from anyone in years, and yes, I have done some dating. I considered the absence of a click good. That was completely foreign to me until a lot of work was done on self.

The 'uber communicators' jumped out at me too. Tons of texts/emails/phone calls would be a huge red flag for me personally if I was engaging with someone in that way, especially being just a week and a half into knowing each other. That would indicate to me that I was still trying to fill a hole within that I hadn't yet learned to fill myself.

When I finally started dating again, I had no desire for mass communication. There were no 3 hour phone calls. I was glad to come home at the end of the date, and didn't give it a second thought.

I had finally come to a place in my recovery where I didn't need outside validation. My dates were no more significant in my life than going to work each day, or shopping for groceries. Of course I enjoyed being taken out for supper and a movie, but when it was over at the end of the day, that was that!

I never understood what balance or being healthy was in a relationship until I made a firm commitment to leave men alone and do some long-term and hard work internally.