WhiteWave

I've posted about some significant problems with my SO in another thread, but this thread is about more than just what was going on there.

I decided to, at the very least, take a break from my 8 year long relationship. It's too toxic.
And since stress from that relationship is a HUGE trigger for me, and I've been doing so well (90+ days, whoo!), I just naturally want to do my best to surround myself with healthier things.

I did it after thoroughly talking it over with a mutual best friend. It was their recommendation that since I'd tried talking about these issues with my SO ad nauseum, that I should instead write everything down and deliver a written message to him.

Last night, I did just that. I wrote, and re-wrote, and RE-re-wrote, a 3-page letter outlining the major grievances I've been having, how terrible they've been making me feel, and how I won't be standing for it anymore. Once he got home (we live in separate houses), he called and left a message before even reading the letter - saying he got it and was dreading reading it. Then he called, incredibly shaken, only half-way through the letter, pleading me to call. I waited. He called after finishing the letter, sounding slightly more level-headed, and started off with saying how sorry he was and continued to plead with my answering machine to call him. I called my mom and she advised the same as the friend: continue to wait - this separation is what you both need if there's any hope of rebuilding.

About an hour later, he sent me an e-mail apologizing for "Officially freaking out on your answering machine". He said he'd be considering my letter all night, and then, instead of pleading with me to call, he asked that I contact him whenever I next "feel comfortable".

I kind of get the feeling that I just forced him into an equivalent detox, you know? That maybe he's going to even kind of go through relationship-withdrawals.

This was one of the harder things I've had to do, inter-personally, and I'm on just day 2 of not talking to my SO, my "partner"....

I need this cleansing though. I don't know what I'll say or even if I'll ever talk to him again - given our history.... all I know is that right now I feel a hole in my chest and I knew I could come to SR to talk about it.

Luckily, the creature (what I call booze) is the furthest thing from my mind in coping with this. The first thing? Comfort food :P but that was also a suggestion from my mom.

Thanks for reading - it feels better just having posted about this.

I hope everyone here has a beautiful day; I'm going to try to!

Blessed be all,
WW