Welcome.
Yikes. He sounds nuts. You can't really know a person when you are in a long distrance relationship with them. Thank goodness you found out that he is mentally ill from his alcoholism and no where near stable before he moved to your town and made your home a living hell. Because if you think it's bad now, just wait until it's in your house.
Your story hits way to close to home with me. I was you once. I'm so glad I'm not living in that self-imposed nightmare anymore.
Being in a relationship with an active alcoholic or addict can make you act as crazy or crazier than them. You are not going to get through to him - no matter how hard you try. He has his own demons to battle. He's an alcoholic. He's sick. You cannot fix him or make him better.
You also have your own demons to battle. How are you going to help yourself?
I got better by working a program of recovery, by focusing on my personal goals and values, by setting boundaries for MYSELF. And living by them.
You can get better too.
Keep reading and posting.