Originally Posted by
smacked 
Ok, I've read all your threads. You are spending a LOT of time glorifying and idealizing the rest of this relationship, and this man. If everything's so unbelievably amazing, what's the problem? .
I had already thought someone would say this, but the things Ive said about him are not untrue or exaggerated. and I guess they are the reason why I have been willing to continue this relationship so far. One of the things Im questioning IS "am I glorifying everything" , "
AM I tricking myself and thinking he's better than he is?" Ive never been confronted with a situation like this where my choice are to leave behind a very good person because they are addicted to something. I know my choice is that my childrens well being is more important. I am not taking a "save him" attitude. I AM considering that he has a long history. But the reality really is that I have witnessed none of that. I have only witnessed a beer in his hand constantly. As have my kids when they are around, Im not lessening that.
As you said, it's that he always has a beer in his hand, and you don't want your children to grow up around it. Ok.. so that's a fact. And he's unwilling to change it. What are the next steps for you? Either be ok with your kids growing up in a questionably alcoholic home, or don't. Ball's in your court, ma'am.
Of course this is true too. I do not know that he is unwilling to change it because we havent really explored the idea. To make a decision for myself to leave this person behind or to talk to him about not drinking and have him do that.. that is why Im here.
@learn2live Yes I am spending considerable time right now figuring this out. Ive stuck around long enough to see what his alcohol problem is all about and who is he. Now I have a choice to make. and I know at 7 months in, this is a better time than 7 years in.
I have came to the conclusion that he is a good enough man that I will first ask him to stop before I chose to end seeing him.
Perhaps that is where the heartache/ bad relationship will start. I'll somewhat expect that. I feel, at this point, that I am strong enough to not be sucked into any savior/ excuses problem with him. I also feel like he is good enough to not put that on me. Maybe Im wrong.
But I know that now, at 7 months, before we live together, before we have enmeshed finances or anything.. now is the time.