Welcome to SR, Helpseeker!
Just for a moment, let's take alcoholism, or supposed recovery from, out of the picture.
Would this behavior still be acceptable to you?
You say he's wearing an alcohol detection bracelet, so am I correct in thinking he is court-mandated to do so?
I've been around the rooms of AA since 1986, and I can honestly say that I have seen one man in all those years who was court-ordered to attend AA for DUI's, and is still sober and working the program after completing all court stipulations.
Most 'do their time', get their papers signed after the meetings for the judge, and we don't see them anymore once they are off of paper.
There is a lot of untreated alcoholism sitting in the rooms of AA. Simply attending meetings on a regular basis does not constitute recovery. Recovery takes a lot of work, and involves me actively participating.
The drinking is only a symptom. Take away the alcohol, and you have all the underlying problems that were there during the drinking.
I don't expect anyone to excuse any poor behavior on my part just because I am a recovering alcoholic, and I do have my days where I can slip back into old attitudes and behaviors. It's up to me to correct the attitudes/behaviors, and make my amends to anyone I may have hurt.
You are the only one who can decide what you want out of life, and that includes what you feel you deserve in a partner.
I had to leave my EXAH for my own sanity/safety and recovery.
My bar of standards was so low in that marriage that I completely lost myself.
I also have a 32 year old AD, not in recovery, and Alanon has helped me tremendously.
I practice the principles of Alanon in all areas of my life, and find I have far less self-created pain these days.
