Then why can't you just ignore it and let him drink to his hearts consent? He's going to do it anyway. You painted a pretty rosy picture about your life with him - except that he always has a beer in his hand - and you can't change that. You can only change yourself and your perceptions or the situations that you allow yourself to be in.
I can. and do ignore it. But I have enough common sense, not to mention 5 years of schooling behind me, to know that generally alcoholism is suppose to be a problem, to know that it isnt good, to know that I dont want my kids thinking that drinking ever day is normal, to know that I do not want this most excellent worthwhile loving man to suffer alcohol related medical problems.
Except it really isnt a problem for us. Yet? Is that the keyword? Or, the problems just havent been present during the 7 months Ive known him?
I do know some very bad things that have happened in his life because of alcohol.
1) He's always had a decent job and taken care of his responsibilities. He has 3 kids, and owed child support after his divorce. This left him with little money, so he lived with an older man as a room mate. Not an optimal situation, but, I cant hardly think horribly of him for it. This older man was an alcoholic.
My BF found him dead one day. The guy was 71. The story is: The old man was sick, went to the dr. for it (a cold and stuff) later that day, in his overly drunken state he drank every bit of his codeine cough medicine and took some other meds. BF was at work and came home to him dead. He assumes it was caused from the guy being drunk and not being in his right mind/ not remembering that he took the meds and retaking them again and again. That hit BF hard.
2) Couple years later, his long term GF, who was also an alcoholic, died. Ive seen the death cert. it lists cirhosis as an underlying factor. He told me she had very little control over her drinking. At one time (not her time of death) she went into the ER with a BAL of .56. He found her dead, too.
These are major major life altering things. It should be his rock bottom or something, right?
I KNOW how horrible these things sound.
But daily life really IS as I have said. He is a most excellent wonderfully good man.
Or do I have rose colored glasses on or something?
I have never dealt with alcoholism before.
Im left wondering to myself, w..t...f??? this guy treats me like Im golden. He is wise (minus the alcohol consumption), responsible, talks to me about all of lifes responsibilities and he's a do-er/ go getter. Besides drinking beer, he takes good care of himself, his house, even on weekends he's up by 6-7am. He's fixing things around the house, mowing, taking care of the yard, planning what we'll grill or cook... In all my 39 years, I do not know a better man than him. and it's not that Im use to trashy men. He's motivated. He's sweet, considerate..
One thing I wonder is... I feel pretty confident that he has very good control of himself and would be a good candidate for choosing to not drink. maybe THAT is where my rose colored glasses come in.
He has came to me once and talked to me about quitting. I think I did the wrong thing and said that it was up to him. That was pretty much that. Later he said, did you hear what I was really saying? I was saying that quitting would be a good idea.. and that your support would really help. He wasnt saying it like its my responsibility and that he cant if I dont bend over backwards to eagle eye him (though he has made no attempt since that conversation), he was saying like he was reaching out and that now that he does not live with an alcoholic and that I am not an alcoholic like his last GF and that he has his own home and totally different lifestyle/ environment now... NOW would be a good time to make the change.
I havent really explored the idea of quitting with him.
But I know he has good common sense. I know he cares about me and has said that he knows its not good that the kids see him with beer all the time. I know I have nothing to fear about bringing it up.. he has told me, several times that he never wants to lose me and that if I have any problems to make sure I let him know right away.
I honestly feel like he's one of those people who have lived life hard in their younger days, and being 44 now.. he's ready to be settled more and give up his past demons. Then again, who knows, maybe thats wishful thinking.