Dont give up lori. Ive been having a good run of sobriety but its always in the back of my mind that I could relapse and that scares me. I dont know if I could recover after the last stint. if I go back to that im dead for sure. I dont want to be dead... so I keep my head up and focus on the future. every once in awhile I start to think about the past and how I screwed up and I look at my life and realize how many more challenges I have because of all my screw ups but I think about how much harder life was when I was high and it snaps me back. When i think of using I play the tape all the way through. I use to stop the tape on the feeling of that hit or drink but now I go to the end and all the problems and im like f that. too tired for all that now.