The first 3 years were no picnic. I separated myself from all people, places, and things. I was bored and lonely. I never felt safe and I didnt trust myself at all. Friends didnt understand y I stopped coming around and really disliked me when i stopped talking to them completely.
a lot of hurt feelings, one very good friend accused me of abandoning him. I explained that as long as he was using I couldnt see him and requested he not talk about drugs if he felt the need to call. he couldnt follow my what I thought was a simple rule so He was cut off. I changed my number my job and then my address. my first year and a half all I did was go to work and then back home. Boring....but necessary. meetings just didnt work so I decided to keep to myself. I started a journal/workbook and then was more helpful than I could have ever imagined.
Going against court orders I quit my counseling sessions, both private and group. i felt like the sessions just kept perpetuating my negative self image. Although I dont suggest it for everyone it was a new beginning for me.
with 2 years clean I became close to someone I had only spoken to occasionally. Thats when things got much easier we moved in together and I wasnt lonely anymore and we took care of each other. Not being alone anymore I was able to start going out again, i needed that support.I still had cravings if I saw someone I use to hang with but they would come and go quickly. I joined the lions club and ended up president of the club after 3 years of service. SERVICE, IMPORTANT. There is something very theraputic about helping others. Really really helpful in recovery.
I graduated HS in 79. I lost touch with all my friends because of the drugs. thanks to being clean and facebook. I have reconnected with almost all my old buddies and gotten together with a few of them. My old bf was worried I would be all tough and fd up because of the life I lived but she said I havent changed. That was nice to hear but the truth is I changed a lot. I was all tough living and playing in the streets but I softened up again. and thanks to pat you could even say im mushy.
I now live in a new state with my partner and there r a lot of drugs here. we moved into a complex where everyone used. I though it was going to be my downfall, but it actually turned me off to the drugs cause of watching everyone all fd up all the time. I survived that place and now we moved into a nice place 1 block from the beach. Instead of cracking up all day I spend my time snorkeling and collecting shells.
aside from having trouble finding work life is pretty nice. I have some residual health problems but Im pluggin along. I am actually happy
