my boyfriend is a very functional alcoholic
Im not an alcoholic.
He's 44, Im 39.
I dont even know where to begin.. or what I want to ask..or why Im here.
We've been together for 7 months.
Im a single mom of 3 ... 9 yrs (girl), 6yrs(girl) and 2 yrs (boy). Im also a full time student. Of social work.
He's very very functional. He's had the same job for 15 years. Had his job before this for 8 years. Relationship before me was 8 years, before that he had a marriage for 12 years.
He has a nice house. Nice vehicles. He's clean, responsible, classy, nice looking, respectful, affectionate, complimentary, very very loving.
Except alcohol rules a part of his life.
He gets up at 3 am. (for work)
Home by 2:30 pm.
Doesnt drink during the day.
Cracks a beer immediately when he gets home.
Doesnt drive after he drinks.
(which means he stays home alot after work)
Seemingly, alcohol doesnt affect his life in a bad way.
He doesnt do any of the normal "drunk" things. He doesnt get mean or obnoxious, maybe a tad little bit more affectionate..but not annoyingly so.. doesnt stumble, slur or anything.
He drinks from starting maybe 2:30pm ( or later depending on whats going on.. as late as 7 pm on weekends) until bedtime. which is always 7 pm on weekdays since he gets up so early. so... not a big long time of drinking during the week. But he still has at least 6 beers averagely.. Maybe 8. as little as 4 if there isnt much time.
10 or 12 on weekends nights. This is every day.
he's drank this much for 25 years or so ( and during some seasons of life, much more).
Its gotta effect him bodily wise, right?
He's had a couple seizures (years ago). His dr. said they were probably alcohol induced.
He has high blood pressure and is on meds. (one is a seizure med)
I dont know what Im asking for here.
Honestly, I have a serious quandary. Im like... Im a single mom, living off child support and student loans. Im broker than broke. Here's this guy.. he's wonderful. Financial stability, nice house, good job.. totally accepts my situation. (I only have 3 classes left until Im finished with a bachelors degree and will be working).
But beyond that, he's so so good to us. He really IS a good guy.
What do I do with this alcohol situation. I feel like.. hey, if the guy was gonna hit skid row he'd have done it by now.. he's been drinking at this pace for 25 years. He aint gonna become a bum. KWIM?
What am i missing? Ive never dealt with an alcoholic before. are there reasons I wanna run right now??
Im somewhat scared for his health.
Im somewhat worried about just how much of a problem this is.
His last girlfriend of 8 years was a serious alcoholic. She died. ... mostly from alcohol related stuff. natural cause of death was some respiratory thing.. underlying issues were cirrhosis and some neuropathy thing. He found her dead. He told me she had no control over alcohol ... and that all just makes me wonder... what the heck???
Ive asked him like, why were you with her and what did you stay for. He just says because he loved her and what was he suppose to do, no one else would have taken care of her. But that just makes me wonder how dysfunctional he is or how serious he is about being an alcoholic.
I guess Im wondering, as a non-alcoholic, are theres things I dont know?
It only effects our life in ways like: occassionally Im embarrassed to invite friends over because he's drinking. That feeling doesnt happen often. and its not because he's so obnoxious, Its just because you can smell it or whatever...
also, we stay home a lot. I could drive places (he wont drive after drinking) but it seems like we just stay home..
It doesnt effect our sex life or anything. He's very nice. He generally makes very responsible decisions even after drinking. Its weird.. he drinks a lot but it doesnt really affect life too much.
Does anyone have anything to tell me.. I admit Im naive about this.