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Old 06-25-2010, 10:42 AM
  # 66 (permalink)  
AtlasMcGee
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 162
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
I have found that my "confessing" (not a term I empathise with) to be an alcoholic gives me total and utter stength as opposed to giving my addiction power. The compulsion and desire to drink alcohol is long since removed. But I know it would be back if I don't live in my recovery.

Many of the people who I have seen struggling at meetings are those that still are fighting with their 'ego' for some reason and not totally accepting what they are ie- an alcoholic.

I can say that I am a dirty, lowdown, messy, blackout alkie and feel no shame at all. Quite the opposite in fact. This reminds me what I would be if I ever took another drink and also makes me feel gratitude as to where I've come from. I truly ain't ashamed of my journey as it was my journey. I am now a very grateful recovering alcoholic. But an alcoholic I will always be. It gives me strength to know that too.

Obviously everybody is different but I am so glad that I was able to embrace my alcoholism and thus recover as opposed to somehow feeling like it was a burden and a negative thing. Sure at the time in active addiction I did some bad things and was mentally f*cked but it has enabled me to be so much more self-aware, insightful to life and generally peaceful, serene and contented. Most of the time! haha.

Increase The peace
I do not look at my journey as a "burden" or "negative thing", & this sure isn't about my ego, I'm fine with admitting my short comings & that I have a problem when I drink & use, but I also feel like I have handed them over to my HP and no longer have to bare the weight any longer & for me to say "I am" over & over isn't good for me, so that is a part I leave. I am probably thinking about it in different terms then most. I agree with the importance of keeping yourself in check. I just choose to say that I am a "recovering alcoholic" or more accurately a "GRATEFUL recovering alcoholic". I also understand that to use the past tense may allow me to think I can go back out there, but to me it reminds me of where I was & where I am & how much more at peace I am on this new journey.

To each their own, do what works
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