Lisa, I really try not to tell people what to do or how to think or what to say. But I am concerned about you and this baby so I am going to be direct.
About this: "So maybe that's why HP chose now to put me through this... because he knew the baby would keep me from giving up."
Suicidal thoughts, tendencies, ideations and behaviors are very serious and should not be taken lightly, especially your own. Like you, I was suicidal for most of my adult life. Sweetheart, it is so good that you have a Higher Power. But please understand that your Higher Power will not want you to depend on your child to get over your suicidal thoughts, ideas and behaviors. Your HP will want you to lean on HIM, not the baby, for this strength.
I encourage you to find social support from adults and professionals in your community to address your suicidal issues. Please try to get to a 12-Step support group, find a church or other religious group where you feel comfortable, and discuss this openly with your doctor so that they can refer you to other support mechanisms. Take good care of yourself.