Theresa i believe your mind is playing games with you. my mind playes lots of games with me too. i am in love with alcohol too. at least the addict in me wants me to believe that. that part of my brain just loves to drink. it doesnt care about less important things like husbands, wives and offspring. the addict is only interested in getting stoned.
there is a rational part of your self that sees things differently.
honestly theresa it does sound like you have some real problems because of your drinking. those problems are real. we do have choices. we can choose to keep drinking in spite of the obvious problems or we can choose to abstain. neither choice is easy. they both require work and they both require that we make certain sacrafices.
need2stop is reaching out for help. you have taken the first step by starting this thread. the good news is you can stop. you did it in march for 8 days. you have the strength it is within you. it is not easy though. sometimes in our lives we have to leave things we love in order to grow. the choice is yours to drink or to abstain. neither choice is going to be painless.
keep posting and welcome there are many good people here who love to drink.