Originally Posted by KingsCross

I can identify with quite a bit of your post. Middle aged, professional field, alone, crushing depression, no money, and the certainty of "I can't live the rest of my life like this".

I can't tell you what will fix your problems. I can only relate what fixed mine.

I made peace with myself, decided I was the cause of all my problems, and only I was to blame for my drinking. I was surprised at how good this felt.

I lost my job, so I became self-employed. While not finding work for almost a year, I scraped enough money together to start oil painting, a hobby I had always wanted to try. I reached out and made new friends. I'm creating a framework of a new life.

I didn't read anything that you have added to your life since you stopped drinking. Why are you a captive in your home? There are many things to do that require very little, if any, money. You will encounter other people as you try new things.

What you wrote seems to be an ode to your former life. Please leave that one behind. Fill your current life with fresh experiences.