First of all, thanks for the honesty. Secondly I would strongly recommend that you seek some type of professional help for the suicidal thoughts. That's nothing to mess with and they say that 90% of people who seek help with depression find it. So please seek the help. Whether it be a hotline or a counselor, please find it. The alcohol problem is different. I don't know of anyone that went from the frying pan to a rosebed. It's gradual and takes time. You're on the path, stay on the path. There are other areas like AA which helped me. Just keep looking here and everywhere and keep reading the posts here. There are tons of great suggestions. God Bless