It does get better
Hi Benjamin:
I hear ya. I felt pretty sh*tty for the first four/five months. Hated life. Hated everybody and was just miserable. It really got me when others talked about the so-called pink cloud. I sure as heck never felt that.
My advice to you: Keep going to meetings. It does get better. I found that as the fifth month passed, I started feeling more hopeful about things and my life. And the more I tried to do things that took the focus off me, the better I felt. I volunteer for a local humane association and those groups can always use extra hands. And it only required my time and willingness -- no money.
I'm sorry you're feeling so down. For me, I just had to go through it and pray that it would lift. It did. There are still bumpy spots, but I feel such incredible surges of joy today. You can have that, too.
Stay strong...and congrats on your sober time. Way to go!
ddog