I've got to be honest. I've really been discouraged on this whole job-hunting thing. I know it takes a lot of rejections before something comes along, but it sure can start to beat on my self-esteem.
It's been a mixed bag living in a small town. On the one hand, it was a great place to raise kids, and the community was pretty accepting of a 'newbie', even one that had gone through rehab. I moved here in 1986 straight out of rehab because my then AH was violent and psychotic.
I've got a really strong recovery circle locally, and that's a plus.
On the flip side, when it comes to the better jobs, such as at the county health department where I recently submitted a resume, it's not what you know, it's who you know. Sigh.
I had jumped on the position as soon as it came out in the paper. They were looking for a County Health Technician/Healthy Start Home Visitor. My education is in a variety of areas including HIPAA, coding, transcription, pathophysiology, etc.
I didn't even get an interview, and I took this one really hard.
This morning, I had to go to court...again...for medical bills. Ugh. Anyway, as I was sitting there talking to the county attorney, letting him know I was still looking for work, I mentioned that I had just applied for the position at the county health department, but didn't even get an interview.
He looked at me kind of funny and said he had no idea what was up with that position I had mentioned, but he knew of several people working in the courthouse who wanted to transfer over to that position.
Light bulb moment. It has nothing to do with me. It's not what you know, it's who you know, and the government will always hire from within when possible. I've applied for several positions over the years at the courthouse, and have not gotten an interview once.
I know God's got something good in store for me, but it is so hard some days to believe that. I know that right now with 3 summer classes, plus finishing a 4th I'll be done with on the 29th, I wouldn't be able to keep up while working.
I keep telling myself to trust the process. My employment specialist is always singing my praises, but yet I still get in these doldrums where I feel 'less than', that nothing good is going to happen. Ugh.
I don't know how many people have told me they don't think they could handle going back to school. Here I am doing it, and I give myself
no credit, none, zilch, zero, nada, zip!
Instead my inner critic is beating me up because I'm not getting straight A's, I'm not working full-time, and let's just toss in that I'm overweight right now
I think I'm a mess today. Can someone help me get myself glued back together?!
