Just being able to express your feelings so clearly, is evidence that you are continuing to heal.
I didn't have a relationship with my mom for 10 years, she is the "A" in my family, I took years and years of her abuse, then I cracked, I turned and walked out out the door, and, let her go. It was by far the most peaceful adult years of my life. I had no contact, none. I healed, then I forgave, we have had a relationship for the last 6 years, she knows my bounderies, and does test me once and awhile, but, never crosses the line. She learned, that I say what I mean and mean what I say!
Try and enjoy your day,
Dolly