Thanks LTD. I do forgive him in many ways, but can't have a relationship with him. He hasn't changed. Plus, the only way out of this pain is to have my PTSD triggers "cleaned up" by the magical EMDR thingy, I"m still traumatized by him and have to stay away. God I hate having PTSD, hate the freaking drugs they give me for it, have really been thinking about filing for disability, like my therapist recommended.