Not about my AH, the kids are with him having a ball.
But I REALLY had a hard time not posting Madonnas video, "Oh Father" on my facebook page today. Really. I mean, I even posted it and took it off immediatly. Look it up, it's perfect. And heart wrenching. Can I post it here? I know there are rules about what we can and can't post, I'll do it and if it needs to be removed, just lemme know.
I've had to quit my therapy due to finances. It cost $70 a pop and she said we coudlnt' continue until I was more stable. Isn't that funny? You're too effed up to do therapy.
But I do understand, with EMDR you dig up all sorts of crap to reprocess it and I don't know where I'm going to be living that's got me all jacked up.
Anyway, my father is an abusive alcoholic, I've essentially cut off all contact, but now that he's old and wants a relationship with the kids, I"m suppose to forgive him and let everything go. He's a screaming alcoholic. Probably has PTSD himself, based on his actions throughout my life, but the thing i'm most angry about is how he screwed me up!! I passed that onto my children, haven't been the best parent. Yes, I'm working to change it, yes I am responsible for my own recovery and actions but seriously--before I reached that level of consciousness where I KNEW I was screwed up and KNEW I was screwing up my kids, I did the same kind of damage to them that he did to me.
I don't know if this is making any sense. I'm just angry and sad today. *******.
YouTube - Madonna - Oh Father (Video)