Originally Posted by
LisaJean1970 
I know you are probably right. But part of why AH had been drinking so bad (and relapsing) was his guilt over not having a job. I want to see if having one will make a significant difference.
Don't kid yourself. He drinks because he is an alcoholic. No other reason. Mine drank because he was depressed, because he was happy, because it was Friday, because it was Monday, because it was raining, because the sun was shining.............you get the idea.
Having a job might slow it down for awhile, but until he addresses his addiction and stops blaming it on 'circumstances,' it will progress.
Originally Posted by
LisaJean1970 Good lord, 20 years.... My hat's off to you.
Well, staying with an alcoholic for 20 years is not really something I am proud of. Especially the kind of childhood I subjected my children to. Being the child of an alcoholic father and a codependent mother, it was really the only thing I knew. I swore I would not raise my children the way I had been raised, and yet.......history tends to repeat itself.
If I could go back, I would want to learn more about my own issues sooner. I would have learned more about what it means to be an ACOA. I would have gone to therapy to discover why I accepted what I did in my marriage.
Originally Posted by
LisaJean1970 I have been lucky in a lot of ways, even with an AH. He isn't abusive or mean, he hasn't racked up my credit card bills, he doesn't drive when he's effed up, and the only time he really drinks is when he's depressed.
You consider yourself lucky because he is not abusive or mean? Isn't that a given in a marriage? He hasn't racked up YOUR credit cards? Again, how is that a positive? Mine never did anything I would consider truly horrible either. But, looking back, I see now that my standards for a partner were very low. And little by little, they got lower. My XAH excused his drinking by the fact that I had a better paying job than him. It hurt his pride that his wife made more money than he did. It didn't take long to get from there to entitlement.
I hope things turn out the way you want them to, but your story sounds all too familiar to me.
L