Old 06-18-2010, 06:02 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Hammerhead
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by gingercharlie View Post
Against my better judgment, I broke down today and wrote to my XABF, explaining how weird it was for me to not have him there to share every day nuances with. He was, after all, my best friend.

His response included the following: "I am pretty much occupying my evening time with running, eating a light and healthy dinner, not drinking wine, a shower before bed and crashing out early."

Why would he make a point to tell me such a thing? He broke up with me because he fell out of love with me, because I "picked on him." His examples of "picking on him" did not include picking on his for his drinking (he had no examples, really), but the ONLY thing we ever argued about (one-sided arguing, it was all me, really) was his drinking. And he told me that he had been drinking more in the hopes of driving me away, that I'd break up with him first.

And now he's not drinking? And telling me about it? Being the healthy BF that I always wanted, and thought I had the first 6 months of our relationship?



Maybe he's not an A afterall, and I'm just a complete eff up. Unlovable.
Yep... my xah would tell me the same thing! It's denial... it's noise...

Sure you've been HIS best friend... but how is he at being YOUR best friend?

No contact is a way of protecting YOU from any additional hurt and chaos.
Boundaries are a way of protecting YOU from any additional hurt and chaos.

No contact and boundaries are NOT there to punish them... letting go means letting them live the life THEY CHOOSE.

The longer you remain in contact with him the more confusion and pain you will endure... been there done that.

YOU ARE LOVABLE.... but until YOU see it... KNOW it... you will continue to question it.

He will tell you anything... that's what alcoholics do.
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