Do you believe he's not drinking? What do your instincts tell you? Maybe he's not drinking...for now, for a few days...but do you honestly believe it will last?
You're beating yourself up...you know the truth. I read your post describing your relationship and his drinking behaviors. He drinks like crazy and he is working you emotionally right now. Trying to make you feel bad and make you think you're the one with the problem. Take a deep breath and remind yourself of the reality! Reality check time.
You are NOT an eff up. You are NOT unlovable. He is trying to make you go there to take the focus off of him.
We love you here and are here for you!