Against my better judgment, I broke down today and wrote to my XABF, explaining how weird it was for me to not have him there to share every day nuances with. He was, after all, my best friend.
His response included the following: "I am pretty much occupying my evening time with running, eating a light and healthy dinner,
not drinking wine, a shower before bed and crashing out early."
Why would he make a point to tell me such a thing? He broke up with me because he fell out of love with me, because I "picked on him." His examples of "picking on him" did not include picking on his for his drinking (he had no examples, really), but the ONLY thing we ever argued about (one-sided arguing, it was all me, really) was his drinking. And he told me that he had been drinking more in the hopes of driving me away, that I'd break up with him first.
And now he's not drinking? And telling me about it? Being the healthy BF that I always wanted, and thought I had the first 6 months of our relationship?
Maybe he's not an A afterall, and I'm just a complete eff up. Unlovable.