(((hugs)))
Hi treadingwater. welcome. There are many parents of addicts here. You are not alone.
It's not about being scared clean. It's about being willing to do the work necessary to change. It's hard to stop using drugs. It takes more than just willpower. It takes work. It takes a plan of some sort. It takes the support of other recovering addicts.
It doesn't sound like your son is done using yet and your husband is doing the right thing by drawing firm boundaries and enforcing them. That's not easy but it's wise. It's hard for family members, particularly moms, to accept that they can't save their children from their bad choices.
I hope your son gets it soon. If this isn't his bottom, at least you can be assured that every day you don't enable his addiction is one day closer to his bottom.
Have you looked into Al-anon in your neighborhood? It may help you find recovery from what has to have been and continues to be a heartbreaking ordeal for you. Addiction is a sickness that affects the ENTIRE family. Not just the one who uses drugs.