Hey bro, welcome back.
This is alcoholism, and if that's what you have, you didn't disappoint anyone here. I'm glad you still want help. That's the first step to getting help. You gotta want it. But evidently something more has to happen to keep that overwhelming desire for a drink from taking over. There are AA meetings, professional help, church, SR, just keep looking and you'll find what fits for you, but if it's not working seek farther, don't stop before the miracle happens. God Bless