depression and ptsd
i've always had difficulties with my mental health. At 15, I was diagnosed with major depression and PTSD. In my early 20s, I started drinking in college and now have been escaping for 14 years. Today is day 16 of sobriety.
It's all hard because even though I've stopped the drinking, I still have all of this anxiety and depression that one would normally have after putting off feelings for so long but also my pre-drinking struggles with PTSD and depression. I take meds, see a therapist, but when I feel really bad, I don't know how to reach out to anyone. Today I was working and I thought to God, "Just let me go now. I'm tired, even without the drinking." I thought about talking to someone, anyone, and I realized that there is no one I feel I can reach out to in my everyday life. I hate feeling misunderstood. I hate feeling alone when I am around so many people. I hate the bad dreams and sadness. I hate that "wanting to die" comes into my head more than I can admit.
i also struggle with grief and loss...too much to go into. I was hoping that once I finally made a committment to sobriety that I would begin to see life differently. I know it's only been 16 days but this pain is overwhelming.