Addingitup asks about motivations to drink- Why do we drink... More I think about MY addiction, more I believe I was born with it; or I have delevoped it somehow... but I do not blame anybody anymore. I do not blame myself. I did not drink more than others in my teens. Probably I drank much less than my peers. I did not drink much in my early twenties and again no more than my peers. The problem is at some point, difficult to know when, the others stop and I did not... The same way, all my friends tried tobacco and not all of them got addicted to it. I have tried coke and marihuana very few times and never fell for it despite being quite easily available to me. Short of never being exposed to alcohol, there is little I could have done not to become an alcoholic. in that sense I understand this powerless thing of AA.
I am having a very tough time not to drink tonight. It is so normal to drink with my husband is away.... This is really insane. My kids are 3 and 5 yo. They sleep with me and if I drink I would wake up every 30 min. in panick thinking that if something happens to them I may not notice.
I was thinking different ways of telling my husband I am an alcoholic and I am almost sure the most difficult part would be convincing him that I am. I wonder how long more I would be able to hide either because I do stop alltogether or, the much worse scenario, because I cannot stop and then it will be visible very soon