Thanks everyone for your very wonderful statements...
Transform, you are so right..I am still here and the world didnt fall apart cause of what he did. Actually everything seems the same!
Kassie, I am so glad you mentioned about the back and forth. It really has been too much for me always changing my mind..
Dolly,. yes business. The business of freedom and to have my own life.
My alanon book had this great section about reality. It occured to me I wasnt looking at my situation as reality. Maybe it would hurt too much to do so after all he did. But then I went down the list of the last 18 months worth of my hurt. Each thing he did, I asked myelf did he have other choices? The answer was yes. He chose to make the choices he did knowing they will affect and hurt me or simply not caring if they would. That ladies and gentlemen is the reality of my life. Now I will have choices of who or what I let in and if I allow them to hurt me.
Can you imagine? I can get out of a bad marriage and stop allowing someone to keep hurting me. It will be a miracle but it will be my reality..
Hugs
Lulu