I like the part where you say that you have boundaries and choices. They have been there for you to enforce all along and will take to places where you can feel good about yourself as you are already seeing.
(And don't worry about what your lawyer thinks - they are used to it. I told mine to file three times in two years. Each time I phrased as the lawyer did - ready or not ready yet. No pressure.)
It is about your process and the choices you decide to make. No need to worry about the outcome because it will be ok if you are ok. My husband is waiting for me to take care of things also, but I decided that just like the stand I took with him about how to treat me - I decided that includes the divorce as well. If I want one or need one to take care of me I will do it in a NY minute. If you are ready - take care.