Thank you a lot all of you for this. Not drunk Mon-Thursday. Did drink Friday and Saturday, although in a 'moderate way', sharing bottle of wine wiht husband over dinner. He is gone for a week. Will not drink today. The intention is not to drink during this period, repeating myself, that to start with I am alone with two small kids. Will take one day at the time, following advice.
I have to work out how to say it, how to tell to my husband that I have had serious issues with alcohol in the past, that I am an alcoholic... I am so scared of it. Cannot help thinking that my image of him would change if he told me something like this. It would not mean I love him less. But I believe something would change. HIs grandfather was an alcoholic, went to AA and became very very religious... almost fanatic. He has this image in his mind too.
Will focus on no drinking first. Then will see if there are alternatives to AA - It is almost impossible for me to fit meetings in my day but will look for something close to work so I may be able to get into something if I do not find anything else.
So bizarre that posting in a forum can be so helpful. I will keep posting. Will try to use this as a diary.