Hi Wilde
I have just joined the forum and I am EXACTLY in the same position as you. It's not like I have a drink every day before work and hide it all over the house but at night if you put a bottle of wine in front of me and my boyfriend there's no way he'll be having half of it. You put a bottle of wine in front of me alone and it won't last the next couple of hours. I plan every single social event around alcohol and I rope my friends into going out after work for an hour as often as they are willing.
In my case, Friday morning was my make-or-break. I went on the AA site and filled in their checklist (the one that says that you may be an alcoholic if you tick 4 boxes). I ticked 11 out of the 12. Just because I'm not a stereotypical "drunk" I had to face that I am an alcoholic - in the early stages of properly f***ing my life up.
Going to that ONE, first (of many - I now know) meetings has made me so much less ashamed to say I am an alcoholic. In fact, I feel proud that I can admit it and DO something about it. The meeting was full of people from all different walks of life and they were so strong and so open.
Admittedly I have only told my best friend and my boyfriend so far, but if I'm being honest, I haven't told my parents because once I do then they will NEVER have alcohol around me again and I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I can't just cut down, but I may have to quit entirely.
So I wondered - have you been to any meetings? I think they might really help you to feel less ashamed of using the "A" word in time.