My Name Is Lisa...
...and I married an alcoholic. This is my very first post, here. I have been uncomfortable at the few Al-Anon meetings I've been to, so I thought I would try an online forum.
Not sure how much to share right now, but I will say that having read so many of the posts here has made me realize that what my AH has been doing is really textbook for an alcoholic. I mean, some of your stories, I could almost finish them for you, because I have lived them myself. It makes me sad that other people have suffered too, but also gives me hope that I'm not alone.
I guess I am a little unusual in that my husband is the first A I have ever had close contact with. There was none in my family, aside from an uncle I never saw. I think that is partly why I was such a perfect enabler for such a long time, I simply did not understand.
My husband lost his job in early March, and was rapidly on his way to going from a binge drinker to a maintenance drunk. I kicked him out, and he spent six weeks in April and May in a homeless shelter/rehab facility. About a month ago I chose to let him come home, because he wanted to be with me for the birth of our first child. His son.
Sadly, the day before yesterday I made the mistake of coming home from work early, unannounced, and well.... You know the rest. To his credit, I do believe it was the first relapse he's had in 70+ days of sobriety. But still... I took him back to the shelter, and told him that when his son is born, I will bring him by to visit. But that our marriage was most likely over.
What was really hurting me the most over the last few months wasn't so much the drinking, but the unbelievable laziness and selfishness. He has not worked since March, and because he shot his mouth off at his last job, was fired and ineligible for unemployment. So my crappy little < $9/hr job was all we had to live on. And here I was 8.5 months pregnant, working 40 hours a week, while he sat at home and played on the Internet instead of looking for work.
My baby is due on June 23rd. He will not be there for me, even though we went through the natural childbirth classes together. Instead I will rely on my family. The program he is involved in now lasts from 12-16 months, depending on how well he does.
This would all be so much easier if I could just hate him. But even now, one day apart from him, I just want to see him.