"I cant imagine that he has not hit rock bottom yet (job loss, promotion loss, jail, probation, relationship issues, and now health problems) but I have never been addicted so I dont know the feeling. thanks for the input!"
Spin, I hit a pretty hard physical bottom (withdrawal for me was terrible) and I almost "missed" my XA's alcoholism (he never drank in front of me) despite all of the above having happened to him as a result of his drinking. He lost a long term relationship, his home, his job, has had multiple DUIs, jail time and was arrested, again, while we were together. Did I know all of this going in? No. And my bottom was a pretty "high" bottom so when I did start to see the trees, I missed the forest because ... it didn't even occur to me that after that list of losses and pain, someone could/would keep trying to drink responsibly.
And how stupid do I feel because ... I'm an alcoholic. Turns out I'm also tragically codependent because even having walked the walk, I honestly thought that having addressed my alcoholism, I could help him address his. It just doesn't work that way. Getting sober is an entirely personal prospect and there is nothing logical about this disease. That's why the "restore us to sanity" part of 12 step programs is so important - it is, literally, insane to keep drinking while the consequences get more and more serious. And it is, literally, insane to keep trying to "get" a loved one sober while the consequences get more and more serious. None of it makes sense.