quietsins

i was counting the hours until my meeting..keeping busy and making sure to do the right thing. then right before the meeting i run into someone who knows my A... and we got to talking.... and it all tumbled out like a damn burst.

oh how wonderful it felt to hug someone who sees him every day. its has been five months of having not seen him. and yet.. hugging her made me feel... better. how strange is that?

i want off this merry go round. and i cant do it. i just cant seem to avoid doing what i know is wrong. how close i feel to just going back. to accepting on any terms he wants. just to touch him again, just to see him again.

they say hind sight is 20/20.. but it doesnt account for the rose colored glasses i have adopted the last three weeks. the glasses that make me think all way rosy and wonderful. when in reality it was hell.

does anyone.. have any words of advice? sinking fast here and i just feel.. out of control. emotionally unstable and ready to toss out common sense and boundaries. please.. anyone know what can help? please